Defending Married Life: A Response to the article "Divorce, a path to Happiness" by Gayatri Reddy

In the recent years one of the disturbing cultural shifts that is becoming more pronounced and outspoken is the neglect of married life. This post is a response to the article “Divorce, a path to happiness” by Gayatri Reddy, Chennai Chronicle, June 24, 201l. Unlike the traditional write-ups on marriage ‘Seven suggestions for married life’, ‘How to lead a happy married life’, ‘Ten commandments of married life’ and so on, Reddy’s article is of different genre.  It exposes the psyche of the evolving form of human life that perceive marriage as enslaving and hence divorce as the art of liberation. It purports to convince people of the right to divorce and educate them on the ‘How to’ of it.  It is, therefore, consoling and must-read for those who are victims of married life (literally), affirming for those who seek divorce and encouraging for the divorced.

The author’s attempt to speak out such issues is heartening, however her refuge in divorce as the only solution upsets.  While it is unavoidable in certain critical cases like when the partner is violent, sexual disfunction, homosexual or has a psychiatric problem but refuses to get help, yet it is wrong to canonize divorce as the only way out, as a path to happiness, stating the happy story of a divorced lady and the miserable end of a married woman murdered by her husband, happily ignoring the numerous success stories of married life. I guess this even includes the happy story her-own  married life.

I buy the fact that married life is complicated, as it unites/reconciles two different horizons/world views for life time. The M factor, as a result is one of the unique characteristics of human species. May be that is why we spend such energy, money and time to celebrate every event of marriage. No one forgets the festivity of their married life nor fails to make it a memorable one.

I do acknowledge the violence within marriage. Expert for some rare cases, one that is mentioned in the article – tragic murder of Dr. Kiran Reddy, the problem in married life today is not external, like the ones that were prevalent in eighties i.e. dowry deaths, physical torture, male domination etc.; instead is internal more to do with one’s ability to render total- commitment and authentic love. Divorce, thus becomes only an escapism and destruction of such beautiful tradition which is an essential part of our human-making. I believe the root of the problem has little to do with the life after marriage as it has to do with the individual’s integral growth before marriage. Influenced by the popular trends of our milieu, we are more self-centered than generous. Marriage, as a result, fails to be a fruit of neither true love nor a sincere discernment of God’s will, instead becomes a platform for bargain/an institution to accomplish one’s need – sex, money, ego etc. As each begins to affirm their might and right the bond breaks and falls apart sooner than ever. 

But, how beautiful, enviable and productive the married life of two hearts made one in true love is! Married life is a sure path to happiness but costs the loss of one’s ego.