Defending Married Life: A Response to the article "Divorce, a path to Happiness" by Gayatri Reddy

In the recent years one of the disturbing cultural shifts that is becoming more pronounced and outspoken is the neglect of married life. This post is a response to the article “Divorce, a path to happiness” by Gayatri Reddy, Chennai Chronicle, June 24, 201l. Unlike the traditional write-ups on marriage ‘Seven suggestions for married life’, ‘How to lead a happy married life’, ‘Ten commandments of married life’ and so on, Reddy’s article is of different genre.  It exposes the psyche of the evolving form of human life that perceive marriage as enslaving and hence divorce as the art of liberation. It purports to convince people of the right to divorce and educate them on the ‘How to’ of it.  It is, therefore, consoling and must-read for those who are victims of married life (literally), affirming for those who seek divorce and encouraging for the divorced.

The author’s attempt to speak out such issues is heartening, however her refuge in divorce as the only solution upsets.  While it is unavoidable in certain critical cases like when the partner is violent, sexual disfunction, homosexual or has a psychiatric problem but refuses to get help, yet it is wrong to canonize divorce as the only way out, as a path to happiness, stating the happy story of a divorced lady and the miserable end of a married woman murdered by her husband, happily ignoring the numerous success stories of married life. I guess this even includes the happy story her-own  married life.

I buy the fact that married life is complicated, as it unites/reconciles two different horizons/world views for life time. The M factor, as a result is one of the unique characteristics of human species. May be that is why we spend such energy, money and time to celebrate every event of marriage. No one forgets the festivity of their married life nor fails to make it a memorable one.

I do acknowledge the violence within marriage. Expert for some rare cases, one that is mentioned in the article – tragic murder of Dr. Kiran Reddy, the problem in married life today is not external, like the ones that were prevalent in eighties i.e. dowry deaths, physical torture, male domination etc.; instead is internal more to do with one’s ability to render total- commitment and authentic love. Divorce, thus becomes only an escapism and destruction of such beautiful tradition which is an essential part of our human-making. I believe the root of the problem has little to do with the life after marriage as it has to do with the individual’s integral growth before marriage. Influenced by the popular trends of our milieu, we are more self-centered than generous. Marriage, as a result, fails to be a fruit of neither true love nor a sincere discernment of God’s will, instead becomes a platform for bargain/an institution to accomplish one’s need – sex, money, ego etc. As each begins to affirm their might and right the bond breaks and falls apart sooner than ever. 

But, how beautiful, enviable and productive the married life of two hearts made one in true love is! Married life is a sure path to happiness but costs the loss of one’s ego. 

Following Jesus is Falling in Love with Persons

These days I have been reading a short novel The Shepherd written by Joseph F. Girzone. The story begins with the episcopal ordination of Fr. David Campbell. David Campbell is a very devout and loyal Catholic Priest, noted especially for his exact observation of the norms of the Catholic Church. On the night after the episcopal consecration, God reveals in his prayer that as a Bishop he is called to be Jesus, the Good Shepherd.

Bp. Campbell exercises his ministry conscious of the invitation extended by the Lord - the Good Shepherd. With this attitudinal transformation, he begins to resolve every issue with goodness, kindness and love. The Local Church, as a result, experiences a lot of changes like integration of marriage and priesthood, women deacons, church administration by the lay people, reunion of Christians. But the Bishop suffers a hard time, scrutinized by the traditionalists of the Church. When he is badly hit, the Pope saves his face. Bp. Campbel is then transferred to a remote diocese. The pope ordains him as the archbishop and then asks him to put down in papers all his proposals for the new Church, which he envisages. The story ends dramatically with Bp. Campbel becoming the new Pope.

 

Strict Disciplinarian, Abled Administrator, Great Organiser, often these become the key phrases to mark a  SUCCESSFUL Religious life. We are very good administrators!! The way we excel in the administration of institutions of various kinds is amazing, sadly but it occurs with the neglect of our minstry to persons/individuals.. This novel invites us following the example of Bp.Campbell to get in touch with persons. Since, Our Lord Jesus is beyond all institutions, rules and discipline. He did not organize mega events. Instead he visited people especially the poor, the sick, the marginalised,, moved around, preached values of the kingdom, and finally died for us... Thus everyone felt the special love of JESUS. He loves and keeps on loving.  The book is an invitation to imitate him.

READ this book, you will enjoy it!

MARTIN SDB

Disturbing News: Alan and Brian Gay Couple with Surrogate Twins

I was personally disturbed as i came across this piece of news in Chennai Chronicle 21, June 2011, pg. 1&19. It is reasonable to be sensitive and understanding towards individuals' problems, in this case physically challenged Alan and Brian, which is unique and involves complication. Yet, issues such as gay family, gay marriages, abortion, surrogate motherhood and other bio-ethical issues need to be considered more under the perspective of respect for life than as an issue of one's right, happiness and satisfaction. The validity of every human action is its ability to enhance and promote integral eco-human growth.

Love is not 143 but Jn 316: Essence of Christianity

"God so loved the world he gave his only Son that whoever believes in him may not be lost but may have eternal life."

The quote has everything that can be told about our religion. This great  love story forms the essence of our religion. Christianity is primarily a loving relationship that merges God's initiative and the inner aspiration of the human spirit in Christ. The fruit of this relationship is happy and meaningful life. The interesting aspect of this meeting is that the Other meets us in our existential situation - Jesus Christ. God walking as a friend, laughing, crying, dying and continuing to inspire us through his Spirit is something unique of our religion. Proud to be a Christian, proud to belong to a tradition of great love!

Becoming Children: Joy of Learning Greek

Getting back to childhood is the experience of every one as we are attending a course on Greek. In fact on the first day we were surprised to see our professor with a cane! When questioned he replied that that was to indicate the letters as we parrot the pronunciations... 

Alphabet was amusing. Copying those 24 letters and retaining them in our memory was an adventure, we went back to the thoughtfulness of the children as we struggled through drawing every letter of the alphabet. Then came the vocabulary it made no sense - in the language of L. Wittgenstein they were pure non-sense. We were entering into a new language game. Every introduction of a new word was accompanied by hullabaloo of funny noises.  “It’s interesting” was invariably the feeling that was shared by most of us.  It cannot but be since we are entering into a new world. While some were questioning the relevance of the course, I replied that there was no better relevance than the experience of entering a new world-picture! The thrill however was not as radical as it should be since we were always connecting to familiar language-games. 

The course, apart from Greek, is an eye-opener to the psyche of children who are quick to pick languages. The secret, probably, is their total-self-surrender to the revelation (the rules, new words, sentence construction/the basic certainties) that comes in the form of words and deeds. No wonder Jesus confirms the Kingdom of God to children (Mt 19:14). Probably that is precisely what makes learning a language difficult for an adult. Besides it is good to note that the complex fusion of horizons is simple in the case of children. A Punjabi boy is quite comfortable with a Christian, a Muslim with a Hindu etc. May be it would be worth making a study on the dynamics of their inter-relationship, which may though appear simplistic is probably pregnant with deep wisdom. Learning Greek… we are forced to return to our childhood.

What's the secret of your inter-persoanl relationship?

Hey! we (adults) will learn from you

Arms outstretched you resemble the Risen Lord!

GOD-TALK: IS NOT GOD PARTIAL IN CHOOSING ONLY ISRAEL FOR THE COMPLETE REVELATION OF GOD-SELF IN HIS SON JESUS CHRIST?

I am attending a course on the Catholic Theology of Revelation. As we are coming to the close one thing that is becoming clear is that Revelation is the communion of the perfect, loving God who having understood the groaning of the human spirit, takes initiative to reveal the God-self and the imperfect, ever-perturbed human being that longs to find meaning and happiness, history. Every religion has its origin, vitality and end in this event, which is not merely a memory of the past, but a reality that happens. We were getting a good grip understanding the nuances and the intricacies of the whole concept of Revelation as explained by Vat. I, II and different modern theologians. When we were discussing the "Characteristics of Christian Revelation", the concept of God choosing specially Israel to reveal the fullness of the truth in Christ to the world etc. was being repeatedly affirmed in our text book. At this point,

one of the students interrupted the professor asking "Is not God partial in choosing only Israel for a complete revelation of God-self in his son Jesus Christ?"  

The Professor primarily noted that this question spontaneously exposes the deep longing in every created thing especially human beings, for the divine. Then he rendered two responses. 

1. The choice of God is an exercise of his Freedom, which cannot be questioned. Moreover we need to understand that revelation is grace, a gift which is never merited despite our efforts to move towards it. In such case, the God's choice of Israel for special revelation is not unjust!

2. As it has been revealed in the Bible, our God is a God of the poor, marginalized... (c. Lk 4: 18-21, Mt 5: 2ff). Israel in the history of humanity were no-people, so God choosing such insignificant group is nothing to be surprised, but to be noted as the uniqueness of our God.  

But in my understanding of God and the concept of divine revelation, this question is an opening to the questioner’s language game of GOD and HIS REVELATION. The question if carefully analyzed makes possible a decent grasp of the hinge proposition around which revolves the world-picture of the questioner i.e. ‘the God of Israel who has been revealing himself from the beginning of creation in the created things, prophets has fully revealed himself only in Jesus Christ’. The consequence of such a hold is that JESUS is the fullness of Revelation/Truth. There is nothing wrong in such a hold/conviction. Actually it is correct and the truth, I am coming from such a form of life and have experienced it in my life.

The problem however is the doubt whether God has been partial in this endeavor. First, it should be clear as Karl Rahner in Hearers of the Word notes that divine revelation cannot but occur in history. Be it a free gift or merit it can happen only in history, since everyone is ontologically historical. A set of norms, beliefs, culture, customs, behavior pattern, and psyche form an intrinsic part of our making. If anyone wants to truly communicate to the other has to reach him/her in his/her world-picture. Though we can work on it and at times correct/modify it, the fact is that we have our being in history.  Thus every communication is an attempt to cross boundaries. This fact makes the divine communication all the more complex than inter-personal human communication. Since it challenges us to rise to the level of the divine which is new, a-normal but not totally align    (we are divine in the core of our being – tattvamasi). This realization and transformation, which is the purpose of our life cannot but be achieved through divine communication. For the purpose of communication is communion. So, God comes down to us in our history to meet us, to reveal God-self - the reason for the diversity in our expression of this One Truth/One Being ‘God’. The fact, therefore, that it has happened to Israel in a particular manner is not a point of surprise/alarm.

Second, the tradition (Jews and Christians) that calls it as special love of God is again acceptable and true. Since any love relationship makes the other feel/experience intimacy. How much more intense it has to be when the same thing happens with God, who is all perfect and nothing but love. Therefore the tradition that has had this experience has to feel special, for God loves every individual and every community is unique and special. I would to better explain this through an anecdote from the life St. John Bosco. Fr. Bosco was always noted for his love every boy in the oratory, so much so every boy felt that he was the special friend of Fr. Bosco. One day a group of boys picked up an argument on who was more close and special to Fr. Bosco. Every one gathered there was invariably claiming to be his special friend. Finally, it reached the desk of Fr. Bosco. Fr. Bosco sensing the anxiety and the tension amidst them replied pointing to the fingers of his right hand, “which one of them do I love most?” The boys stood dumbfounded. He continued, “I cannot love one more and other less, I need all the five which are different and unique. So it is with my love for you.” It is the same in the case of every religion/community feeling special closeness to God. God makes them feel special! There is definitely no partiality. Such an attitude, moreover creates a sympathy and respect in our outlook towards other religions/communities and their world-picture. This does not even make Truth plural. I firmly am convinced that Truth is necessarily one. Its revelation, however, cannot but be confined to our limitedness/historicity. Thus we have plurality of expressions. Our journey from the beginning of creation is to transcend it – evolution. Probably that is why God became man in Jesus of Nazareth and lived as both fully human and fully divine to set us an example of God’s world picture to understand His/her revelation and finally become one with it.

Third, I would like to also comment on the unexpressed conviction ‘Jesus is the fullness of revelation’ which was implicit in the question under discussion. This is the consequence of the individual belonging to Christian world-picture. There is nothing to be disturbed about any such expression provided it is a done with love, for the welfare of the other. In the micro/personal level, though it is given, the validity of such basic certainties becomes verified in the adulthood of one’s life. If positive then the dogma/belief transforms into personal conviction. The individual gradually begins to proclaim/speak about the transformation, happiness and meaning one has experienced in his/her encounter with the Truth, to his/her family, friends, neighbours, acquaintances, at times even to strangers. This is evangelization, in the language of the Church. There is nothing wrong in any such sharing of one’s encounter with Truth with due respect to the freedom of the other. Such communication is authentic if it arises out of genuine love for the welfare of the other. The process slowly but surely brings the whole world in communion with the Truth transforming everyone into divine, the final end of every created reality. While it looks simple, in the micro/personal level, the formation of conviction based on Revelation and its expression becomes a lot more complicated and sensitive in the macro/community level. But, one thing that is becoming clear is that evangelization is an eager extension of one’s experience of the Truth. It is, therefore, nothing wrong with evangelizing instead it is fishy when someone fails to evangelize his/her tradition/religion. No wonder the apostles note that they cannot but preach Christ, the Truth that has gripped their lives. Every created reality is invariably groaning for this Truth. Evangelisation, therefore, is

not universalization, but a sharing of one’s personal experience of Truth motivated by love for the welfare (lokasamgraha) of the whole humanity.

Finally, therefore, the question is not  whether God is partial or not-partial, nor even whether Jesus is the fullness of Truth or Buddha or Krishna etc., instead is whether one recognizes the deep longing and makes sincere effort to journey towards it. Any deeply convinced Christian cannot but proclaim ‘the Risen Lord as the fullness of Revelation/Truth’, as the way for the salvation.  So it is with a Buddhist regarding Buddha, a Hindu regarding Krisha etc. The important point to be remembered, however, is to undertake one such search. The history evidences from the lives of god-men of different  traditions that any sincere search is assisted by whole created reality and is graced with an encounter with the Truth – a glimpse  of the awaited parousia.